Telephone Phobia - 5 Tips on Making a Phone Call

I have always found those Internet advertisements for telephone phobia quite ironic. "Have telephone phobia? Call today to speak to a professional therapist/hypnotist!"

Yeah right.

When I was terrified of the telephone, those ads just made things worse for me. But the fact was, I wasn't the only one who hated the telephone, and neither are you. While the best way to cope with social anxiety is to overcome it altogether, here are some tips on coping with making a phone call:

Tip #1: Change Your Attitude

What stops you from making a phone call? Are you worried that you might be bothering the other person? Not knowing who will answer the phone and how the conversation will go? Being turned down?

The thought of making a phone call can cause some people to start outright panicking. However, thinking of all the bad things that could happen will not help you, especially if you have to make the call anyway. Instead, think of all the good things that could happen. Imagine yourself making that call, run it through your mind as everything goes smoothly and you complete the conversation with a smile on your face.

If you are bothering the person, then they wouldn't have answered the phone. They have chosen to be "bothered" by you. And as long as you stick to the point, and not decide to chat for hours (unless they invite you to), it's not going to worry them. If you have a request that is turned down, it is most likely for many reasons, probably none of which are directed at you personally.

If you are calling an organisation, remember that you are doing them a favour by calling them. Whether they are going to get money from you, or even constructive criticism from you, it is very helpful to them.

Tip #2: Prepare Beforehand

Write out the phone number and what you are going to say. If you are comfortable enough, just use keywords to help you along, otherwise a full script may be more suitable. Make sure you are in a situation where you are alone and no one is going to interrupt you.

If the actual dialing of the number is a concern of yours, it may pay to invest in a phone that tells you what numbers you have entered in. Otherwise, pay close attention to each number as you dial it.

Check if there are any alternatives to making a phone call. Do they welcome email or have online services? If it is a friend, will it be appropriate to use text messaging? For some people, talking to the person face to face is a bit easier than using a telephone.

Tip #3: Practice

Practice on "easier" calls. Who are you more comfortable calling? A certain friend or family member? For some, these are also difficult, but perhaps not as terrifying as some other calls.

If calling a family member or friend is still too scary to comprehend, then start with your own mobile or home phone. No one will answer it, and you will be able to practice dialing in a number and listening to the phone ring.

Make an easier phone call at least once a week. You will be glad you did when you are facing a more difficult call.

Tip #4: Smile

Before the person on the other end answers, put a huge grin on your face. Keep smiling throughout the call, whether you are talking or not. People can tell whether you are smiling or not through your voice. It also helps with your attitude, both consciously and subconsciously.

Tip #5: Reward Yourself

Immediately reward yourself afterwards. This will help link pleasure to using the telephone and give you something to look forward to. A reward could be enjoying your hobby, a snack, reading a book or magazine, or anything else that would be appropriate.

Jane Renshaw recovered from social anxiety disorder after nearly 20 years of suffering. She is the author of "How to Overcome Social Anxiety in 5 Easy Steps". This ebook puts emphasis on how even the worst sufferers can overcome their social anxiety permanently. You can get more information at (http://www.social-anxiety-revealed.com).

Fear Factor: How to Minimize Stress and Anxiety in the Divorce Process

Many words are associated with the divorce process. Despite what one may think, the most prevalent and most destructive of these is a simple four letter word: fear. Divorce places an enormous stress on all persons involved. More often than not, the stress stems from fear. On an emotional level, there is a fear of being alone, either as a single parent, a person reentering the workforce after many years or of losing the status of being married. From a financial standpoint, parties have a great deal of fear concerning their short and long term financial future.

The collaborative divorce process seeks to minimize fear as it is the greatest impediment towards settlement. In a collaborative divorce, the parties agree not to go to court and instead to freely and voluntarily disclose information and endeavor to reach an agreement. The parties agreement also provides that their lawyers, divorce coaches and child and financial specialists, if made part of the collaborative process, cannot participate in litigation if the collaborative process terminates. The process is confidential and all team members sign an agreement to that effect. However, where other professionals are involved, the agreement waives privilege to the extent that the professionals may exchange, amongst themselves, information gathered from their meetings with the parties to further understanding of the parties and their childrens needs.

The traditional Collaborative Divorce model separates the divorce process into two components. Divorce coaches and child specialists seek to quell clients emotional fears by handling coparenting plans and addressing communication issues. Financial specialists and attorneys tackle the legal and financial aspects of the divorce, by dividing the parties assets and creating a financial plan which addresses both parties needs, both presently and in the future.

Although collaborative divorce has been successful in many instances, there has been negative feedback concerning the process. In a study performed by the Collaborative Family Law Group in San Diego, it was found that most of the complainants raised questions concerning the necessity of coaches and specialists, uncertainty about settlement issues and the amount of time it took for the process to conclude. The San Diego group found that most complaints arose in cases where the collaborative divorce team did not work closely together. As a result, the group restructured their collaborative model and now advocates for integrated meetings involving all team members. In the old approach, coaches and child specialists would not attend meetings. As a result, if issues concerning parenting arose, the clients were told to wait and address those issues with their coaches. This revised model allows clients to have all issues addressed in one meeting and gives clients the impression that settlement issues, generally more financial in nature, and emotional issues are equally important. When emotional issues are handled as they arise, clients anxiety lessens, making them able to work more effectively towards settlement.

Collaborative practice groups across the country are still wrestling with the issue of whether to implement the interdisciplinary approach to collaborative law. As experience is beginning to show, the integrated approach can effectively achieve settlement by eliminating the stress and anxiety brought on by the fear factor.

Lori Barkus is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, a Family Law Mediator and a Collaborative Divorce professional who practices in the areas of Marital and Family Law, Collaborative Divorce and mediation in Miami-Dade and Broward counties.

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Barbara Marciniak